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About Digital Art / Professional Core Member CherylUnknown Group :iconeyecatchart: EyeCatchART
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Artist | Professional | Digital Art
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My name is Cheryl. I enjoy taking photographs of Flowers, Birds and Animals. I love creating digital art and if my art helps to inspire you, this would make me happy that I have done something good to help some one else.

I am a kind, caring, forgiving and a loving human being. I do not tolerate people who judge me because of my problems and place blame on me entirely in any situation. No two minds think alike be realistic and understand this. Problems are a two way street and we are all different, no one should claim innocence in any situation. TRUST goes both ways and TRUTH sets us FREE. When in a misunderstanding situation, communicating always shows maturity towards solving, any problem.


122 deviations
Talk to me!
Right now, I hate myself and I can't forgive myself. So, how is it possible for me to forgive someone else. I want them to feel the pain, I feel from day to day. I know this is wrong but I am broken and feel that I can't be fixed. Nobody, gives a crap and I know it is just a matter of time before the end. No amount of medication is helping. I am a failure to myself and to others. I feel worthless and hated because I destroy everything that is good. Talk to me but don't judge me........
:iconawesome43: and your online daughter :iconteaphotography: can you please stop rubbing my nose into your childish attacks on deliberately hurting me by flaunting your relationship on your proflile. I can read between the lines. I am not fully healed and adding comments to emphasise your relationship to hurt me is NOT helping. You are deliberately trying to provoke a situation to cause further hurt. As if to say you haven't done enough....!
My Own Thoughts!

A True Friend who knows your troubles and stays in your life, is a lot more valuable to you, then a friend who knows your troubles and chooses to walk away.
Dear Friends,

 I am here now to address a few things and to set the record straight once and for all. First off, I wish to thank those of you who have genuinely had concerns and have given me support over the past few weeks while I was away. I apologise for having worried you, this was not my intentions, at all. I never have nor do expect anyone to be concerned about me, I didn't think anyone cared one way or another. A number of members here did ask to be kept up to date and for this reason and for this reason only, did I ask my daughter to keep you updated. As you may know, it has NOT been an easy road for my recovery and I have NOT fully recovered as yet. I thank those of you who did not resort to judging me but instead offered me assistance at a time when I was at the lowest part of my life. I was admitted to a facility for Chronic Depression after my friendship with Denyse ended, unexpectedly. I spent most of my time in my room and was given strong medication to assist me to cope. I did have my mobile phone with me which I used to call my family if I needed to and I called a friend here going by the name of Marjorie. I have been avoiding Deviant art and did not return sooner because I still am very much heart broken and it is very painful for me to be here right now. I am still not where I want to be, a happier me, without remembering the betrayal, hurt and pain I have experienced the past weeks and throughout my life. I am still very tearful just thinking about how unfair, hurtful and cruel someone could be for deliberately not allowing me to know why she had lied to me about being such a CARING FRIEND, when in reality, all she did was destroy me. And especially knowing full well of my situation with Depression. Yes, I blocked her first after she had told me not to respond to an e-mail after making me BELIEVE that the friendship was over. Here is a the e-mail which started it all you will notice that she (DENYSE) has contradicted herself and then responded angrily to me, accusing me of deliberately allowing her to worry. After I "Blocked" her, I then unblocked her and noted her because I needed to know the reason WHY she felt the need to cut me off like that. I was totally confused and instead of her explaining her reasons to me, she decided to take the route of being spiteful and revengeful by blocking me instead. Usually, a TRUE CARING FRIEND would do the right thing and explain herself as to why she felt so angry or why she did no longer want to be my friend. This is if she was a GENUINE FRIEND from the beginning to start off with. Prior to that I HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG accept say she was being CRUEL in response to her accusations as stated above and of course I did voice my concerns with regard to her ONLINE GRANDSON which I will get into at some stage.

After she had "Blocked" me I asked my daughter-in-law to please contact DENYSE and ask her if she would please talk to me to help me understand what I had done that was so terribly wrong and how we could fix the issue but she replied to my daughter-in-law accusing me of trying to destroy her 47 years of marriage and being responsible for her HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. I simply CANNOT believe that she would think this of me and for what reason she would want to hold me responsible for this. Not only did we split as friends but she was going through a personal court case at the time, as well as having to deal with her ONLINE GRANDSON'S continued health problems. However, she has resorted to placing blame solely on my shoulders. This had disturbed me tremendously and added to my stress and depression at the time. I was always very worried and concerned about her wellbeing and would never have dreamed of hurting her in the past. Because of my worries with regards to her, I with held on wanting to burden her with anymore of my problems.  She also said, that I was NEVER to contact her again from any other accounts that I may open to befriend her ever, again. I am at a loss for words and very confused that she had made this a permanent situation and it has been very difficult for me to accept because I honestly do not understand why this had come about. I ask myself the Question as to what it was that I had done that was so terrible? All these accusations hurt me because I did not understand why she would accuse me of trying to destroy her 47 years of marriage to her husband, add to her health issues and stress or why I would want to open any other accounts. She said she loved me and would pray for me. I don't understand how someone can say they LOVE YOU and in the same breath accuse me of deliberately trying to destroy them by causing all of these problems with their health and life. I did absolutely NOTHING WRONG. Until now.

I am NOT going to allow her or any other member here to call me a LIAR, seeking attention and for being responsible for their health problems. And quite frankly after this, I have NO MORE RESPECT for DENYSE and for all the PAIN she has caused me and still continues to do so by telling her version of what has transpired between us with her friends. 

I am sick of people telling me they LOVE me and then they end up HURTING me in the end. WHAT BULLSHIT is this LOVE. It's just a word to make YOU FEEL BETTER about yourself and BARES no MEANING to them. If ONE TRULY LOVES someone, you do NOT SET OUT TO HURT THEM. I have experienced this kind of LOVE throughout my life and it is EXTREMELY HURTFUL, especially if you UTTER that word and GIVE SOMEONE  FALSE sense of HOPE, BELONGING and BELIEVE and there is NO TRUE MEANING BEHIND the word of LOVE. MY PARENTS SAID THEY LOVED ME AND THEN ABANDONED ME, MY HUSBAND said he LOVED me, only to ASSAULT ME and ABUSE me throughout my life. My children said they LOVED me only to BETRAY me and ASSAULT me in the end, too. Now, maybe YOU will UNDERSTAND, why I don't trust ANYONE. It takes a very RARE person for me to EVER TRUST. And I thought I had it in this so called "FRIEND" DENYSE. Here is an example of a promise she had made to me, so that I would BELIEVE she was a LOVING and CARING FRIEND;  Maybe you will understand why this has been so very difficult for me to understand how someone could have lied like this. . I was sucked in by her LIES whilst she was PRETENDING to be a FRIEND to me. I don't think I can EVER FORGIVE someone like this, EVER. She is very sweet while she types out her comments but be assured that she can't be trusted. She wants everyone to believe that she is a concerned and loving person but she is far from it.

Please do not be shocked by some of the information I am about to share with you but I have reason to believe, that she has been sharing information with her closest friends and ONLINE FAMILY here with regards to what I have had to say in my correspondences to her. First off and foremost, I had always put DENYSE and her feelings before my own in the past. She sent me an email which really broke my heart and for this reason I decided to let her know, how I truly felt about this ONLINE GRANDSON of hers and his so called brother. Now this information, I am about to share with you will disappoint some of you and again there maybe some of you who will understand and bring some light as to why I am so heart broken and why I cannot understand why she continues to hurt me and simply because I am and was very concerned about her.

Just before I was admitted to Respite, I asked someone here to send her this letter to explain a few things to her, about why I said, what I needed to say, to help her understand, why I felt the way, I did. I was being completely honest with her. She refused to respond as always.  In the meantime this letter I sent Denyse has been shared with this ONLINE FAMILY MEMBER because surprise, surprise KAT who had disappeared since NOVEMBER of last year after an operation of this ONLINE GRANDSON has suddenly reappeared. This will be very interesting to see how many more lies are going to be told and how many more cover ups are going to be made. I was forced to suffer humiliation at your hands DENYSE by having to PROVE that I was receiving treatment because I believe that you and this member who insulted me :iconwyckedoll: are connected. I was not on Deviant art at the time the Journals were submitted by my daughter and if you have proof of this I challenge you to bring it forward. I demand that your ONLINE GRANDSON also prove that his condition is legitimate and NOT an act of looking for attention or a fabrication on his behalf. What's fair, is fair, in love and war my dear DENYSE. Here are the emails from Denyse explaining to me how hurt she was feeling, when her ONLINE FAMILY MEMBERS would contact her and let her know how her ONLINE GRANDSON was doing.

Because of her age and because I cared so very much for her I was always very concerned about her wellbeing, I felt that I needed to warn her of potential scammers. As a true friend would do. I felt that this was my obligation to prevent her from being hurt in the long run. Therefore, I felt the need to voice my concerns about all of this. Unfortunately, she did not appreciate this and decided that I was the one with the problem. She then resorted to accusing me of being the cause of her High Blood Pressure, a Potential Threat of a Stroke or worse and a broken marriage of 47 years. However, no question is raised by the continued attention seeking GRANDSON who according to the information given may or may not have passed on by now or according to this information with regards to so many medical problems should not have even been able to create such perfect art as he does with continued BRAIN DAMAGE, SEIZURES, ORGAN TRANSPLANTS, LEUKEMIA, BRAIN TUMOUR ETC. ETC. the list is so long. Good grief he must be a walking MIRACLE or he must be Christ himself. Now, maybe, some of you will not agree with the way I am handling this situation right now but I have been judged and called a LIAR by many here and it stops here. This is unacceptable to me, especially if I know that I did nothing to deliberately cause anyone, any pain. I didn't deserve to go through what I had gone through. I was merely concerned for someone whom I thought was a friend at the time. But because of these concerns I had shared with DENYSE they were used against me in the exact same manner as what I was concerned about her ONLINE GRANDSON. This could only have come about, if DENYSE had shared these correspondences with her ONLINE FAMILY or FRIENDS. What would you have done, if you were in a similar situation? Here are some of the concerns I had with regards to this ONLINE GRANDSON of hers. Maybe you would stop judging me now and understand why, I said, what I said. Any intelligent person would understand that I may have reason for concern. Just recently his brother LUC submitted a poll…  from RAZ's account asking members if they wanted to be featured. Previously he would do this from RAZ's account and not make it a point to respond to his requests. Strangely this time he responded to the poll but from his own account. This indicates and proves to me that DENYSE had shared that particular letter as mentioned above with LUC as I have mentioned in the letter that his account was dormant and not used. You see DENYSE is NOT a very HONEST person and she cannot be TRUSTED as she would like others to believe. So my dear DENYSE before you go submitting any JOURNAL with regards to HONESTY or TRUTH think very hard about what you say, FIRST. Had you PROVEN to be the LOYAL, CARING, KIND, UNDERSTANDING and COMPASSIONATE FRIEND that you wanted me to BELIEVE you were, all of THIS would NEVER have happened. You wanted me to SUFFER, you wanted me to PAY THE PRICE for something I had saidThis was evident in the manner in which you neglected to respond to my correspondences. You DELIBERATELY wanted me to FEEL that I was SOLELY responsible for what transpired between us. You can forgive all of your other friends and yet you could not forgive me. WHY????????? I don't see why and how you can BLAME ME entirely for your health or marriageable problems. I find this GROSSLEY UNFAIR that you would want me to feel responsible for this..

As you will see below that I am NOT the only person who has contributed to her health issues, stress and high blood pressure. But I was the one which was easiest to blame because I am well known to be troubled, here. Yes, DENYSE I have now broken my promise to you as you have, to me.

She has since then, discussed me with a number of members here and I do have proof of this. I also suspect that she had discussed me with this :iconwyckedoll: who has insulted me by calling me a LIAR and a LUNATIC. How do I know this? Because just before I was admitted to RESPITE for treatment, I had sent Denyse the letter as mentioned above (through someone else) apologising once again and explaining why I was concerned with regards to this ONLINE FAMILY MEMBER and the exact concerns that I had with regards to this and that it may be possible that this person is one and the same person RAZ or the brother is pretending to be RAZ and that it is possible that RAZ has passed on already. This was later turned on me and used against me by :iconwyckedoll: in a status posted by my daughter. Her comment has since been marked as spam. Either this :iconwyckedoll: is the online FAMILY MEMBER himself or a friend of theirs. These are the words :iconwyckedoll: used against me on my DAUGHTERS status;

"I am wondering just how long this foolishness is going to go on? Everyday there is a new adventure and  I personally don't believe any of this nonsense going on I think it is just a cry for attention but to fake cardiac arrest wow this is really pushing it to the limit. Worrying some friends that may genuinely care is sick. This really went a step lower. You are both lunatics that need a serious psychiatrist. And for the record everyone need to stop watching this name if  they want any peace of mind. I think this is Cheryl and not her daughter speaking out daily. I doubt that she is in any institution either all lies show proof that she is in an institution I bet not. You both need straight jackets and to leave this alone already. IT'S GETTING OLD! GROW THE HELL UP!You are not victims we are the victims here to have to put up with this on a daily basis. Please  just go away!" I will NOT GO AWAY and I have NEVER claimed to be a victim. However, if I am treated unjustly, I will fight to the bitter end until I get the results that I require. Members here have the right to know of members like this. And I do hope that the PROOF is sufficient to satisfy DENYSE and her ONLINE FAMILY'S Curiosity and doubt, along with everyone else's. I am NO LIAR and I tell it the way it IS. Challenge me and call me a LIAR and I am NOT afraid to prove you wrong. I have NOTHING to lose in this life, people have destroyed me already throughout my life and therefore it bares NO meaning to me anymore. If you don't like it what I add to my journals, don't read it. MOVE ON and most IMPORTANTLY shut your GOB. Now all that I need to see is proof of her ONLINE FAMILY MEMBER being in the situation, he says he is in. Someone with BRAIN DAMAGE does NOT mysteriously create art within days, without FAULT and with PERFECTION. Am I sounding INSENSITIVE? I am sorry but then wasn't EVERYONE ELSE being INSENSITIVE when I was asked to PRODUCE PROOF of my CONDITIONS.  :iconwyckedoll: has since been reported to the Deviant art staff for review and hopefully for a BAN on not only this account but on all other accounts that she/he may have.

The reason why my daughter was using my account is because she has NO account of her own on Deviant art, herself. She has no interest in art and does not support my work, here. She only does this on Facebook. I requested she use my account to update members here, who have asked to be kept updated. I saw no harm in this but obviously this TROLL and BULLY took advantage of this by taking his/her revenge out on me. Strangely, enough I do not know this account of :iconwyckedoll: although someone seems to think or accuse me of owning it. Which I do NOT. I would be a very stupid person to implicate myself in such a manner. As you will read in the comments that he/she, him/herself or her friend accuses a number of members here of owning that account. I bet none of them do. Be assured that it is NOT my account and this is the first, that I have seen of it. 

As you can see, I have nothing to have lied about. The only liars here is DENYSE and :iconwyckedoll: who I believe is either DENYSE herself, although I do find this hard to believe or the online family member or a friend of hers that she has been discussing me with. However, I do believe they are connected, somehow.

I need some questions answered because there are a few issues that I do NOT for the life of me understand. Here are a few sentences as per discussion she had with another member here with regards to me. Bare in mind these are copied and pasted by myself from an email received.

Denyse to a member here who was concerned about my safety, before I landed in Respite;


My question is this. Have I once accused her of being the cause of my DEPRESSION OR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? NO! I have said that she had HURT, BETRAYED and caused me much PAIN. BUT NOT ONCE DID I ACCUSE HER OF ANY HEALTH ISSUES. If she felt this way on a DAILY BASIS,  WHY was she NOT HONEST enough with me to tell me this before I started believing that she genuinely CARED and LOVED me and was GENIUNELY HELPING ME to heal from DEPRESSION.. She lead me to believe she was a GENUINE FRIEND. I even voiced my concerns with regards to this in an email to her How in God's name can someone play with someone's emotions and feelings like this and make them believe that she was a GOOD, CARING person with EMPATHY, CONCERN, COMPASSION ETC. How could I have got it so wrong? In reality, all she proved to be, was CRUEL and DELIBERATE in her attempt to cause me as much pain as she could. Who does this?
She has discussed me with a number of her friends here, all of whom have believed her version of events.

Another sentence Denyse wanted this member to know which indicates to me that she deliberately set out to hurt me and that she did not mean a damn word she had told me over the months;

FYI she left me first. She blocked me first, She deleted her gifts to me first, She hid her comments first. Simply saying she was protecting me FROM WHAT ?????????????

Okay, now I am NOT supposed to believe that she DELIBERATELY and INTENTIONALLY sort to cause me as much pain, as she could muster, after reading this message. So, because I did this or that FIRST she could NOT THINK for herself, why I did this or ask me the reasons, WHY? I gave her enough opportunities to talk to me but she chose to IGNORE me and play her silly games.

As I have explained, I did delete her first after she had told me NEVER to email her again. I DID delete the gifts and hide the comments because at the time I was so DISTRAUGHT and needed to make sense out of this by submitting a journal in getting rid of my disappointment and hurt. She HAD BLOCKED me and I needed her to know in a JOURNAL how hurtful she had been. Yes, I deleted her gifts and removed her PROFILE NAME. I did this to PROTECT her profile because someone here could have figured out very easily by the comments who the person was, that I was referring to. THAT IS THE ONLY REASON why I deleted the gifts and hid the comments. It was to PROTECT her. NO ONE needs to believe this, if they so wish to. However, she, like many others here ONLY BELIEVES the WORST in me and thought, I was playing a Selfish Game of spitefulness and that I was being revengeful. So, she went ahead and did the very same by deleting my name off the gifts she gave me and blocked me purely because SHE was being REVENGEFUL for no other reason. This was NEVER my meaning to do this out of REVENGE, I cared very, very much for her even at a time that I was feeling so angry and hurt. I had NO intentions of letting anyone know who this friend was. So, if anyone has contacted her, then they probably have figured this out for themselves. I know, I mentioned her name once to a very trusting member here in the hope that she could help me by getting this friend to talk to me but she refused and as a result of that I had a very terrible break down and then I landed up having to be taken care of, for my OWN SAFETY.

Another sentence added by Denyse; "THIS SITUATION IS PRIVATE AND SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO DA TO BEGIN WITH." Now this is very INTERESTING! If she wanted this to be KEPT PRIVATE why did she ignore my emails and BLOCK ME when I begged and begged for us to talk this through? There was NO GOOD REASON TO BLOCK ME. I had NOT done anything WRONG.This was NO FRIEND this was someone who DELIBERATELY made sure she would do everything in her power to hurt me and cause me enough pain. And it was evident that she did not give a DAMN one way or another.

I have told you this story so that YOU as members here understand why I was so heart broken and besides myself. DENYSE meant a great deal to me and her friendship was very important to me. But now, I am NOT sure what I believe anymore after the lengths she went to deliberately hurt me. Please be extremely cautious of members like her, they will destroy you. Here is an example of just how sweet DENYSE can be with her tongue two days ago after KAT returned to Deviant Art and then just months prior had this to say about her to me Members like her here say things, that they want you to believe but NOT meaning a word of it and then stabbing you in the back. All the while toying and playing with your emotions and feelings. DENYSE is NOT a HONEST person, no matter how much she would like her friends to believe she is. I am living proof of this. If she can speak of people like this behind their backs you can be sure that she has discussed me in length, with others here. Oh dear, dear Denyse, Kat doesn't seem to think that you are her friend. However, you still are faving her work. What's going on? Denyse, she even admits that you have been discussing your experiences that you have had with me, with her. You find great pleasure in Gossiping and running members down in your notes. Now, I can understand why you did NOT want to communicate with me in notes. To say it was because you felt closer to me was "Bullshit"

Another accusation made by DENYSE "CHERYL HAS CONTINUED IN HER ATTEMPTS TO REACH ME AND STILL DOES BY PHONE." I did not and I have not tried for close on two months to get in contact with her by  phone because she has Blocked my numbers. My number ends with a 69 and 37. If she has a number ending with a 74 then this is my husbands number. My husband was very CONCERNED and worried for my safety and felt that if he could communicate with her that he would be able to help me. But she blocked his number too. I don't appreciate people accusing me falsely for something, that I am not guilty of. She NEVER saw any good in me and ONLY believed the WORST. DENYSE was NOT a FRIEND. I realise this now. Please realise that I would NEVER have shared any correspondences with you, if this was NOT what DENYSE has done with regards to me.

I will be leaving my Journals up in the hope that this may help some of you realise that there can be devastating consequences from having a friendship on the internet. Please be careful and take care. I am done with her and her lies and pleas of innocence. She should take responsibility for her actions and have the decency to apologise. But that won't happen because she is too self absorbed and claims to be the victim here.
This will be the last journal I will submit as my Mum will be discharged from Koromiko House tomorrow, afternoon. I did make her aware of the Status and the comment made by :iconwyckedoll: this morning, when I visited her. She read it and she actually smiled and said; " I don't know her or that account, let her and everyone else who has believed her lies believe what they want because they seem to know me, better than I know, myself. But give them, what they want, if it will make them happy" She says, she is sick of members here making her out to be a liar and placing blame on her. My mum says, that I must tell you that she did come to the account once to wish Marjorie a Happy Birthday and she did make one call and that was to Marjorie with a number ending in 69. Apart from that she was too depressed to do anything else. 

My mum said, that I should also make a correction that she is NOT diagnosed with BPD. That was thought at first but the results are completely different after talking with her doctor this afternoon as you will read shortly.   20170713 171634 by motherearth01

I really don't feel comfortable sharing this here but she has insisted she has nothing to hide. She said I should feed the troll and hope she chokes on it.
This is no thanks to a friend who made my mum believe she could be trusted and ended up hurting my mum in an unforgivable way.

I will leave this account now, what my mum decides to do here on out is her business. I am just glad I am done with this site for good.
20170713 064049
Proof of Emergency Care. I hope you are satisfied now. She will get a letter from her Doctor today as proof tthat she is and has been at Koromiko House since 5th July 2017. I hope this puts all speculations and assumptions to rest. 
My Mum (Motherearth01)
This was taken with my mobile phone yesterday at approximately 3:30 pm. She was taken by ambulance from Koromiko House to ED with a suspected heart condition. She has been battling with her Blood Pressure for the past few weeks. They had increased the dosage of medication but it has not proven to be effective. I hope you are all satisfied now that there is no need for me to lie. The other proof will follow once I have been to see how my Mum is doing today. Bless those for doubting and may they or their families never have to go through something like this.
My Mum has been rushed into ED for possible Heart Condition. Will keep you updated.
I have received a message from a friend requesting me to remove the journal's. Unfortunately, I am not going to do this because you have accused my Mum of phoning you when she has been in the Medical facility for treatment since Wednesday of last week and has been unable to do this. I apologise, I stand to be corrected, she contacted Marjorie with a number ending 69. If you have on your account ending 74 then this is more than likely, my fathers number. Would you like proof of this too? If you must know, my father has been trying to get in contact with you, so that you and my Mum can find some way for the two of you to work your misunderstanding out and find some peace. Yet, again, you fail to have more faith in her by accusing her of something that she has NOT done and doubting her friendship. 

You accuse her of becoming between you and your husband, may I ask how this is at all possible? I didn't know that your husband operates your account too or are you assuming my mother is something other, than a married woman herself. Your reluctance in wanting my mother to have peace just shows how evil, you really are. So you would want her to go through life NOT knowing peace again? How very caring, compassionate, understanding and kind of you. If you wish to know my Mums number be free to ask Marjorie for verification. Marjorie has both numbers, o.k. Stop using my mother for your lack of empathy and guilt, I think you have caused her enough pain.

Good day to you and be sure of your facts first before accusing her of anything that she is NOT guilty of and have the decency to acknowledge your mistakes.

This is Motherearth01's daughter,  
I returned from my holiday about two weeks ago and I have been busy trying to get back into the swing of things before taking some time in giving you an update with regards to my mum.

 During my time, away, I was unable to give you any updates because I was not close to a computer and I didn't take my laptop with me. Buying Data overseas can be quite costly for a phone. My sister-in-law however, did contact me and let me know that my Mum had taken ill during the night and had added a Status and if I could please remove it for specific, reasons. Which I did via my mobile phone! My Mum has since then been admitted to a facility with Severe Depression on Wednesday, there is little improvement and she is still very tearful. When asked by the Therapist to explain her friendship with this person she sobs and sobs and can't get a word out. They are having difficulty at this time in offering her comforting words or advice on how to deal with this grief at this stage. How can someone call herself a friend and then do something like this?

During this period of admission they have taken various blood tests and have found that she has been suffering a Medical condition too ( which I am not getting into ) and which has contributed to her emotional upheaval.

Being at such a vunerable place right now explains a great deal as to why she is going through something like this with this friend who obviously meant a great deal to my mum. One can only imagine how painful this is for her. She is trying to understand the reasons why this friend had hurt her so deeply and why this friend still insists on keeping her blocked. This friend wants everyone here to believe she is a kind and compassionate friend but then why did she hurt and betray my mum like this? This only indicates that this friend never trusted my mum and has always doubted her from the get go? So many questions that lay unanswered because this friend refuses to correspond with her and explain the reasons for the permanant blocking. How wrong and how very sad that someone would deliberately want to destroy her like this by leaving her to believe that she is the problem. This is NOT being a kind and caring friend who once told my mum, she cared.

Making assumptions about my Mum and saying that she is faking her Depression is not cool. Especially, when you do not know her or understand the life she has lead. You do not know or understand her state of mind or health issues either. It's so much easier to sit behind your screens and judge someone who you do not know personally. Most of you here only go by what others have told you on this site about her or you assume this is the case with her. Just because someone says they don't want to live anymore, doesn't mean they are faking depression. This means they are in trouble at that specific moment and they themselves do not know how to cope or deal with their emotions or who to turn to. Especially, if their support group is very limited or they have been abandoned by someone who they have TRUSTED enough to be there for them. It also doesn't mean that people with depression will or will not harm themselves at some point. This is a call for help regardless of what their actions will be in the here and now. My mum had hit rock bottom in the early hours of Sunday morning 18/06 at 1.30 am after NOT eating and sleeping in days because things had become too much for her to bare. She thought she had a FRIEND and someone she could turn to here but sadly this friend abandoned her and shut her out of her life. Bringing back feelings of abandonment of her childhood.  So, I suggest, if you have NO encouraging words to offer someone who is reaching out for help than please, do not respond in a negative manner. She has been suffering with depression most part of her life and more so in the last ten years. No one has the right here to judge her and tell her she is faking her depression. You weren't and are not at the receiving end of the people who have abandoned, betrayed or hurt her and who have put her through this pain. Be a little more understanding towards members who are having a difficult time coping with online and real life issues. You do NOT know what they are feeling or going through.

My mum has always had issues with TRUSTING people on and off the internet. People who are the closest to my mum have beaten her up in the past. If she does not like something and knows it is wrong she will voice her concern and her opinion to the persons concerned. And because she had the gall to protect someone she so dearly loved and cared about in the past she got assaulted for it. And this was someone very close to her who betrayed her in the most terrible way. So, TRUSTING people has become very difficult and has played a big part in her life and it has cost her dearly, in the past. My mum TRUSTED this friend and never expected this friend of all people, to hurt her, in the manner that she did.

YOU don't know her pain, therefore do not judge. If she wants to rant here let her because this is the only way she gets her frustrations and anger out and may find comfort by talking about it. Especially, if there is no support group for her here in real life. This friend bailed out on her at a CRUCIAL time of her life, when she desperately needed this friend to understand why she felt the way she did. Had this friend cared at all for her, she would have understood that my Mum could not cope. This friend should have practised patience instead of losing it and then resorting to accusing my mum of deliberately hurting her. And as a result was only concerned about how she was feeling at that point and time. This just speaks volumes of this persons loyalty and character in my opinion. 

My Mum does speak to me but sometimes, I am too busy with my own family, my businesses and my own life to pay attention. I know, I should make the effort but there are times that I just don't get the time. But when she or my dad need me, I am always there for them.

When she found this friend here on Deviant Art, I was only too happy for her because I knew, she would learn to trust someone and maybe have someone her own age more or less and in female form, to confide in.

As I am typing this out now, I am so very tearful and frustrated because I have tried to contact this person via email to help my mum find some form of understanding but she refuses to communicate with me. 

My Mum is one of those very sensitive people who has a BIG HEART and has had a difficult upbringing as a child and as an adult too. I am not here to reveal any of these issues here with you. She has suffered a lot of hurts and pains throughout her life and this friend knew this and took advantage of this information by using it against her. It took a lot for my mum to trust her and to share her life with this friend. My mum is not someone, who would deliberately go out of her way to hurt anyone. She acts impulsively but then, don't we all when we are backed into a corner and do not know who to turn to for help. Especially, if you have never had anyone in the past and believed in only one person, who promised that she could be trusted here on Deviant Art.

My mum is the type of person who would rather give her last penny or dime to help someone, just to see them happy. She would do anything to see a happy smile on the faces of people that she loves and cares about and this is usually everyone that she encounters throughout her life. Why, because if anyone knows and understands hurt and pain, it is my Mum. Putting a smile on someone else's face makes her feel that she has achieved something good by placing that smile there. Her passion is children, the elderly and animals. She NEVER wants to see these people hurt or in any pain. She absolutely loves and adores them. She will do anything to protect them too, even if it costs her friendships or business in the end. She is always determined to make a point, especially, if she is concerned and worried about someone she loves and cares about. She can be brutally honest and to the point. And because of this she is NOT very much liked. She dislikes people who take advantage of these three subjects by hurting or abusing them. She can become very angry if she detects that they may be in any danger or taken advantage of. This is her nature and I don't fault her for this, I actually admire her for it. She will always put others before herself a fact that this friend did NOT appreciate about her.

I noticed a big difference in my Mom's happiness over the past year. It had taken her approximately 6 to 8 years prior to meeting a friend here, for her to show any interest in life, again. She had given up at some stage. It was an effort for her to smile or get up in the mornings. I have photo's of her sitting in "Family Photo Shoots" where she looked so unhappy that I couldn't post those photo's anywhere. They were destroyed, I simply refuse to have those pictures in my home because it was too painful for me to see just how unhappy, she was. Smiling was too much of a chore for her, one could see the absolute pain in her face from years of coping with life and it's ups and downs.  

And then just recently, she met this friend on Deviant Art. My mum adored, loved, respected and cared very much for this friend. In the past year this friend and my mum would be in constant communication with one another. She gave my mum a reason to get up in the morning and my mum started to look forward to life, again. It's amazing how one person could have such an influence or impact on someone else's life to make such a difference. She started trusting and believing in people again. And literally just felt like living and enjoying life for the first time, in a long time. She really helped my Mum and it may have seemed to this friend at the time, that she was not helping my mum. However, she was mistaken because I could see the difference in my mum.

So, I reckon internet friendships have their advantages but they can also have their disadvantages, too. Especially, if a friend cuts you off and out of their lives without giving a good enough reason for their decision. This is devastating to someone who is suffering with depression and doesn't understand the reasons for it. What's worse is the fact that this friend has allowed my Mum to feel that she has to go through life believing that she is the one in the wrong, when in reality, if she thought about it, she would come to realise that she was just as much at fault. It takes two people to tango not just one. My mum says that she is just as much to blame for her actions but her intentions were NEVER to harm or hurt this friend. She merely wanted to protect her from getting hurt. My Mum believes that friendships over the internet are just as important as any other friendship in life itself. Good on my mum for caring more about her friend and for wanting to protect her it's a lot more than what the friend is doing to her now. rather than what the friend.  She could have had the decency to tell my Mum where my mum had gone wrong before cutting her off and blocking her like that without telling her why and playing a spiteful and revengeful game. You were the one who made her feel the friendship was over, not her.  Making her feel fully responsible for the end of the friendship is CRUEL and UNKIND. Deliberately, hurting someone and making them feel unworthy and entirely responsible for the friendship ending, is not a decent thing to do. You're NOT A KIND PERSON at all and I guess you had to make a choice. I just hope it was the right one.

My Mum wanted this friendship to be so much more then just an internet or Deviant Art friendship and she tried to get her friend to speak to her in person on Skype or telephonically. She felt seeing this friend face to face or speaking to her telephonically would help reduce the uncertainties that this friend may have had with regards to their friendship. My mum said, she wanted everything above board and without any doubt. She says she wanted to do this because of all the negative feed back that was making it's rounds on this site about her, at the time. She says, she was always so self conscious and worried about what this friend was thinking at the time, that all these rumours, were going around about her. So, she always felt the need to have to prove her honesty to this friend because of the damage that had been done by bullies in journals that had been submitted, about her. She said she needed to prove to her friend, that she was not that person that they had betrayed her to be. But her friend refused to want to communicate with her telephonically or on Skype. I personally don't think she EVER TRUSTED my Mum enough and that there were always doubts in her mind. What a pity that she did not want to get to know my Mum better because she would have known my mom to be a honest person, who really just needed and wanted a friend that she could confide in and TRUST. And to help her along the way with any advice. My mum thought that she had found this, in this Friend. My mum admits that she is not entirely without fault but there was no excuse for the manner in which this friend treated her in the end. Leading someone on is so wrong for so many reasons and promising them that you will always be there for them NO MATTER WHAT, only for you to hurt them so badly, is just below humanity. And then adding salt to the wound she ignores her deliberately with intent to inflict further hurt and pain, not allowing her the peace of mind she deserves to have, to move on. Especially, if my mum has apologised time and time again. Who are you?  God, judge and jury that you feel you have the power to control, manipulate and inflict further pain on someone by not allowing them the right to know, where they had gone wrong? Deliberately and intentionally wanting them to feel that they are the ones in the wrong. Why do you keep on punishing her and why won't you allow her the peace that she deserves? You may have reached a ripe old age but there is NOTHING decent about your way of thinking or the manner in which you are handling this situation. You are NO better than the bullies that you have befriended on this site. It's simply evil and Goddamn cruel. Going by what you have done and continually are doing, I reckon your friendship meant sweet diddly squat and you just felt obliged to pretend to be someone you weren't. Not being truthful about the reasons why you ended the friendship just shows, how really dishonest you have been. She can't move on but you seem to be doing quite well for yourself. Almost as if this friendship meant absolutely nothing to you. I am trying so hard to make sense out of this hatred that you have towards my mum and I find no good reason for it.

If you have looked at your emails recently, (the email address you gave my Mum) you would see, that I have been trying to get in contact with you privately to discuss this matter but you have chosen to ignore my e-mail. I am not sure what I may have done to deserve this but usually when someone knows they are just as guilty as the next person, they would prefer to distance themselves from a situation completely. You choose not to offer any form of compromise so that my mum can make sense out of all of this and move on. But instead you seem to be getting pleasure out of the fact that my Mum is blaming herself for the break up, of your friendship. You give me the impression that you want her to SUFFER. How very DECENT, GOOD, UNDERSTANDING, KIND and COMPASSIONATE of you. You are deliberately and intentionally causing my mother further distress and I do not understand your reluctance in wanting to communicate with me. Therefore, it is so unfortunate that you leave me no choice now but to leave this message here on Deviant Art. You have also "Blocked" my Mom and you have chosen to keep her blocked because you believe her to be this REVENGEFULHATEFUL and CRUEL person who is going to harm you more by coming after you. If she wanted to harm you, she would have done this a long time ago in the month that your friendship ended. There is a saying " There are more ways than one to skin a cat," think about this for a minute. My mum believes that in order for you to have accused her and believed that she would open various accounts and deliberately use them to harm you by sharing notes and private emails in Journals. Just comes to show that you had been doubting and mistrusting her from the very beginning of your friendship. And you want to know why she can't move on! You lead her on to believe that you were a KIND, CARING and UNDERSTANDING friend who she could trust, only for you to hurt her so badly in the end. She believes that you were not entirely honest with her from the start and in order for you to accuse her of these things, that you were indeed communicating with others here about her, when you said, you had not. It makes perfect sense now why you would want to keep her blocked because YOU are ashamed of yourself and what you have done to her. You have been discussing her here with your friends and ONLINE family, that she has as her friends too after you had promised NEVER to do this to her. And how she knows this is because when she desperately needed someone to talk to at a time when she felt so hopeless, each and everyone of these members had totally ignored her notes. And only after a friend here told you, how she was feeling did one of these members contact her, which means that you were in contact with them. She has NOT once mentioned your NAME or who you are, in any Journals or to any person here. But you have noted your friends warning them that she is and was speaking of you in her statuses and journals. Up until now, I see no names mentioned in any of her journals or statuses referring to you as being the friend.  She has confessed to me that she did ask someone a few days ago before being admitted to please help her to get you to speak to her, so that you can just help her UNDERSTAND but you REFUSED again. You had no right to do this after the fact that you said you would NEVER harm her or hurt her like this. If you want people to believe you are a KIND, GOOD, CARING and COMPASSIONATE person then do the right thing and stop hurting her. Bring her peace. You tell everyone here who is not your friend that your policy is not to discuss anyone here but to your closest friends, this is an exception. Don't you think she has suffered enough? 

You have left me with very little choice in corresponding with you like this when I would have preferred to have done this privately in a note or an email, so that we could discuss this before I was forced to submit a journal. My Mum needs to move on and YOU won't allow her to and neither will your "Shit Stirring Friends". How Goddamn cruel and evil can one be.You continually rub her nose in it by deliberately hurting her.

I love and care very much for my mum and I can't stand to see her in the state that she is in at the moment. Grieving for someone who obviously was NO FRIEND at all and who NEVER CARED about her. She is torn apart by your betrayal and abandonment and the fact that you would rather want her to believe that she is entirely to blame for what transpired between the two of you. She TRUSTED you, what did you offer her in return to hold onto? NOTHING! She is left believing she is worthless.

Let me explain why I think this has come about, so that you can get a clearer picture. YOUR last email (which I have read) to her, made her feel that you no longer cared about her because you doubted her sincerity towards your well being. This was simply because she said you were being CRUEL with your words towards her in regards, to her not wanting to burden you with anymore of her problems. She realises now, she should never have mentioned anything at all to you. When receiving that last email she acted impulsively by "Blocking" you from Deviant Art because she thought that was the end of the friendship between the two of you after the fact, that you told her you were not going to be emailing her again. She then added a status referring to someone here who she suspects is deceiving everyone, including you and lying about their situation to gain popularity for their work or that it may be a case of scamming. She was merely being concerned and protecting you from getting hurt. However, you choose to see her as being jealous and deliberate in trying to destroy your relationship with this person and then made the choice of cutting her off. How do you think this makes her feel? He has offered no documents of proof or email addresses stating that he is legit and in the position he is in but her friendship with you had to suffer from her honesty and concern. And all because she CARED more about your wellbeing than you did of hers. My mum knew what it was doing to you emotionally and the fact that you may be a victim of being scammed and sucked in by someone other than the intended person. And now because of her concerns she has to pay the price, emotionally and health wise. She says that there is just too much that doesn't make sense about this member whom you choose to believe. And this being after the fact that she had proven to you on numerous occasions that she was being upfront and honest with regards to her health issues and sessions with the councillor by sending you all correspondences because you threatened that unless she is seen by a councillor that your friendship would be over. What has this person offered you?  She feels that even with the proof she had forwarded on to you, that you still doubted her and mistrusted her.  WOW, what a GOOD friend. She says, she then unblocked you so that she could explain herself and the reasons for her actions and why she said those things. And instead of you taking the time for her to explain herself you decided to take revenge on her and "Blocked" her too. She says she has tried apologizing to you on numerous occasions and you choose to ignore her and make her feel that she is solely responsible for what transpired between the two of you. You accused her of deliberately and purposely causing you to worry when she did not want to confide in you. Personally, I believe, she cared more for YOUR well being than you could have ever cared about hers. She put you first by being considerate with regards to your current situation at the time when you were going through a personal issue and she did not want to add to this. Secondly, she knew you had health issues and that you were at that point suffering a large amount of stress because of it. And the fact that you were also stressed with regards to someone else's wellbeing too. She did voice her concerns with regards to this person and her concerns of how it was effecting you. So instead of you understanding her, you made a choice and that choice was to cut her off rather than understand her. You did NOT give a shit about her, did you? It was all about you and how this affected you. Your feelings, your pride, your reputation. Oh and by the way "Nice cover up" on his deviation dated 26/06/2017 and your comment where one of his friends are trying so hard to cover up for his dishonesty by acknowledging that you are his ...........LOLS.  You know exactly what that is all about, don't you? At least my mum knows now that you were lying to her all along. As far as the story goes with regards to this, I will leave it to my Mum to explain about scammers on this site. I sincerely hope you get what you deserve.

How have you thanked my Mum for her kindness, love, compassion and concerns? By "Blocking", ignoring and by cutting her off completely when she was reaching out to you for help at a time she needed you to understand her the reasons why she said and did what she did. My Mum is prone to panic attacks, depression and is very impulsive when she feels that she has been shut off by someone who she cares about or visa versa. Have you ever asked yourself or searched your soul as to why she did this? Yes, she behaved irrationally and impulsively because she panicked. You were NEVER a FRIEND. With the amount of information you had with regards to her life in your emails, you should have been the ONE PERSON who she expected would, understand her. I would have thought you to have been a better friend. Friends do not judge, they stick with one another through thick and thin. And if you were truly concerned about her as a friend and understood her sudden irrational behaviour, you would have asked her first why she had done what she had done when she noted you and asked you for help. One usually asks their friends what is wrong and how you can help them to overcome, what it is or was that had upset them, no matter how hurt you are feeling at that time, yourself. Talking about a problem and understanding it is key to someone's mental health. This is what a TRUE friend does. This is what you call A CARING, LOVING, UNDERSTANDING and COMPASSIONATE friend. Not what you did and are doing right now. I am sorry but I do not agree that you were being a friend to her at all. You chose to give up on her and judge her because she said you were being "CRUEL". Well you sure did prove yourself to being exactly just that in the end, didn't you? There was no need to keep her blocked because of your insecurities and fear that she was going to hurt you because you believe her to be this REVENGEFUL, HATEFUL AND CRUEL human being. Maybe, it would help if you took a closer look at yourself and stopped pretending and wanting others to believe you are a good, caring and compassionate and loving person.

I personally feel that she was not responsible for her actions at the time of her receiving your last email. Do you remember this email? Let me quote a sentence from this, "I hope Julie can help you because I have failed you miserably". You purposely and deliberately gave her the impression that you had given up on her because you felt she had insulted you by accusing you of being CRUEL, and this being after the fact of your accusation first of her deliberately and purposely making you worry, about her. Making her feel that you were doubting her concerns, for you. Why did you do this? How would you have felt or thought at that specific time reading those words and after telling her this. You then ordered her not to comment or respond to that e-mail because you already knew, you were done with her. YOU of all people should have known and understood what this would do to her and how this would effect her. But you did NOT care. What you cared most about was that you were insulted by being accused of being cruel, you cared more about yourself instead of understanding the concept of the word or asking her what she meant. What do you think went through her mind at that moment?

And by the way, in case you think that she lied and was purposely and deliberately worrying you, she had an accident that day when someone deliberately drove into her car and sped off. Thankfully, she was alright but the mere fact that someone deliberately did that and drove off is enough for us to be concerned and wonder who would want to do such a thing and for what reason. Yes, she has done a lot for people in her life and this would not surprise me if this was not an act of revenge by someone whom she has cut ties with and who she has helped in the past and ended up stabbing her in the back for it. Another bitter, bitter pill for her to swallow. And a constant reminder of just how much she is appreciated by people for her kindness, love, caring and compassionate ways, towards others in this life.

What, I want to know is how can you call yourself a good friend or someone who cared about her, if you were so easily prepared to give up on her and not understand her when she so desperately needed you to. A friend that said she would NEVER let go of her hand or hurt her. YOU made her BELIEVE that YOU could be TRUSTED. Now, she doesn't know who or what to believe anymore. You gave her HOPE, only for you to take that away from her in the end. She no longer believes she is worthy of anyone's friendship here on Deviant Art anymore or in life itself. That hope and dignity she once had you single handedly destroyed and stole from her.

I believe that you are the one that does NOT and NEVER has TRUSTED her. Weren't you the one to suggest that she NEVER contact you via notes anymore because you couldn't TRUST her and instead lied to her and told her that the e-mail system was the better choice because you felt a lot more private , safer and closer to her there. And then you didn't appreciate the fact that she gave you her Personal email details, you wanted her to use a Gmail email account instead. Why were you doubting her so much if you called yourself a friend? The reason why you did not want to communicate with her in notes is because someone had warned you that she would harm you by using those same notes against, you. And this is after she had truthfully admitted this in a Journal and apologised for it because she had done this once for a friend who needed to protect her word, against someone else's here. She had no idea that this note was going to be made public in a journal or used against her to destroy her. She has admitted to making mistakes so many times and has put her reputation on the line to protect others on this site only for her to be kicked in the teeth time and time again. And you chose to hold this against her and mistrust her for it. She trusted you to trust her but you simply did not do this because you were only prepared to think the worst of her. You yourself have shared many notes with my mum and she has NEVER BETRAYED your TRUST on this. However, one of the bullies or a number of them had done that to her here on Deviant art  in journals and had it published in a journal for years, too. Do you honestly believe that she would want to hurt someone in this manner knowing full well how that had destroyed her. She has made a promise and she has kept to it learn to respect her for that. What I would like to know is why weren't you honest with her back then instead of making her believe that you were a genuine friend who truly trusted and cared about her? She promised she would NEVER harm you in this manner but you chose to doubt her and mistrust her word above someone else's. She said, you also mentioned that you were afraid of your account being hacked or that someone would hack her. She is not sure but believes that you may have even thought that she was responsible for hacking people's accounts. She is not one hundred percent sure of your concerns but you made her feel that you did not trust her 100%. She is an old woman and does not know the first thing about HACKING accounts. She simply hasn't got the savvy in doing something, like that. 

Her account was HACKED in 2011 by one of her bullies here at the time and she believes probably by the very same person who has warned you against her. So I guess you have the story all wrong and the other way round. And if she wanted to make public any notes or e-mails my dear, she would have done that a long time ago too, if she were that evil. She is NOT a revengeful, hateful person or whatever else it is that you believe her to be. 

I think YOU are the one who has been unappreciative of her kindness by thanking her in a deliberate attempt to hurt her. Oh, she has noticed you have also removed her icon from the gifts you gifted to her in your gallery. She has done this to you too but again this was done in an attempt to protect your identity. What is your excuse? Was this an act of SPITEFULNESS, REVENGE, HATRED and CRUELNESS on your behalf toward her. Hurting her even further than she was feeling already.

I do hope that you will have the decency at some point to contact her and apologise to her for leading her on and reassure her in some way, so that she can move on to a happier place because right now she blames herself entirely for everything and is a complete broken person. Not that you are effected in any manner by all of this. I don't care of your age ,YOU of all people should have known what this would do to her and what this friendship meant to her. You were not kind, caring or understanding. You were deliberate and to the point of hurting her. It was always about you, your feelings and how you felt and what your reputation meant to you. How sad!

To all her friends who gave her all the encouragement she needed at a time when all she wanted to do is give up. I salute you and I have the utmost respect for you. Thank you for the words of encouragement and help you forwarded onto her. You did NOT judge her but offered her telephonic numbers, concern, kindness and love. You helped make her see that there are still good people out there in this world. For this God will reward you. She is learning to cope but it will be a very long journey back to TRUSTING people, again. Somehow, though, I am not sure this will happen anytime soon in her life time. I pretty much think she has given up on people, now. She has withdrawn and wants to remain secluded in her own little world, for now. She does no longer wish to socialise with anyone or do her art or her photography and the only friend she did have here in life itself, she now no longer wishes to see because she is so very afraid that she is going to hurt this person too after this because she believes she is the problem.

I thank you very much for your continued kindness and understanding toward my Mum. I do not know her plans on whether she may or may not return to Deviant art. She is in a lot of emotional pain, right now. I am trying to encourage her to return to her art because this may help her toward healing but she says it hurts too much when she wants to comment on friends art work and she sees comments made by this friend on their art, too.She says, that seeing this just brings more tears. Sadly, I did try and communicate with this friend in an email privately to resolve this problem but sadly, I am being ignored too. I was hoping for a solution to make my mum feel better because it has been more than a month  now and she still weeps a lot. It's amazing how someone can do something like this to another person and not give a damn. Wow, how cold and uncaring.

I would like to give a huge big thanks to Marjorie for having a telephonic conversation with my mum back in the USA to help my mum by giving her some kind words of advice and encouragement. And for trying to help my Mum by telling her this was NOT her fault. Sadly, though my Mum does not see it that way and still blames herself for everything. I hope she takes what Marjorie had to say aboard and move on from there. Thank you again, Marjorie and God bless you for the help.
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Applemac12 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for faving my pic Cheryl! :iconthankiesplz:

I really appreciate it! :iconyeeplz:
RubyAngelEyes Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2017  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for the watch, I love your gallery, I'll be back!! :hug: :heart:
BlueIvyViolet Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you so much for the watch, the faves and for the :iconcutellamaplz:..:hug:sss
slowdog294 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2017  Professional Photographer
Many thanks for the watch, faves and badge, Ma'am. :rose::bow: I am deeply honored.
nimfa36 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you my dear friend!!! 
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